Today is the first day of Ashley taking here placebo pills. We ended up buying these small blue mints and having the pharmacy make up a mock prescription bottle for Ashley. She is to take two of them by mouth daily. I know she is not creating her condition for attention, yet we have to rule it out as a possibility. This has proven harder then I ever thought.
Today when I arrived home from work. I noticed Ashley was still having her spasms with no change. I figured this would be the case. She asked Stacey when she could take her next pill because she didn't feel she was getting any better. Hearing this come from her mouth absolutely crushed me. I don't know if I can do this for a full week. I know that Ashley is placing great hope that this medicine she is taking will help her symptoms go away. It kills me to know that I am giving her false hope in something that isn't going to work.
To build my little girls hope up in something I know won't work is almost more then I can bare. I just have to keep telling myself it is part of the process of elimination and will help the doctors make educated guesses as to why she is having problems. I have never thought I'd feel this way but I feel as if I am betraying her trust. I hope that she doesn't get too discouraged when the little mint flavored pills don't work. I will be fighting hard to remain up beat this week, but it is going to be very hard.
2 comments:
that would be frusterating for both you guys. sorry ashley has to go threw this. but i hope you guys get it figured out soon. keep us posted!
You know Todd, just look at it as another test. All you're doing is starting with the least invasive and therefore least effective treatment. In the long run it is a lot better than trying her on chemical cocktail after chemical cocktail, and the fact that you have a doctor that starts there is a good sign, it means that you can have that much more faith that when something is prescribed that it's well thought out.
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